Assault On Blog 13

by forzabahab

Absolutely No Surprise Surprise

It was a sad month for tv fans. We said goodbye to a show that has had viewers captivated over many seasons. Right up until the end we had no idea how the main protagonist’s fate would play out. Would he die? Was it all a dream? Had he been dead all along?

The final episode tied up all the loose ends, leaving the viewers mourning its loss, but also satisfied about the resolution the creators had decided on.

Burn Notice is going to be hard to replace.

But don’t despair people, just when you thought you’d have  a hole in your life that couldn’t be filled the good people at the BBC have stepped into the breach with an example of what makes British tv the edgy envy of the world. Led Astray is a new sitcom starring new young hotshot actors Cilla Black and Paul O’Grady. It’s written by the explosive duo Lawrence Marks and Maurice Gran, who gave the world the gloriously lo fi punk rock classics Goodnight Sweetheart and Birds Of A Feather.

Don’t worry about Breaking Bad. That’s just some guff about a teacher who decides to glorify drugs rather than do his chemo. This is the stuff. The pilot is recording on 31st October at Elstree Film Studios.

Be there, or stay at home eating Werthers Originals and watching Doc Martin. Your call.

 Leaving Las Vegas (in an air ambulance)

 Nice to see rumours surface of a fight between Amir Khan and Floyd Mayweather in May 2014, providing he wins his next fight. People are wondering why this fight suddenly became viable on October 1st. Well the answer is Obamacare, because now, when Mayweather pans his fucking head in, Khan can get patched up on the cheap and still keep enough of his purse to make the fight worthwhile.

 Open The Door, Get On The Floor, Everybody Wank The Dinosaur

 Buzzfeed featured an article on Christie Sims, an author of what can only be described as Soft Dinosaur Porn. (essentially young nubile virgins get ‘taken’ by various extras from Jurassic Park. (Not Richard Attenborough; that would be weird.) “It’s only when the pterodactyl begins pecking off her clothes, leaving her naked, that she thinks he might have other ideas….”).

One of the synopses of her books mentions that a T-Rex was psychic. This simply cannot be true. If it was Marc Bolan would’ve seen the tree coming.*

I stopped reading it there and then. Credibility is vital, I think you’ll agree. otherwise what is Leveson all about?

 About A Goy

 The Metropolitan Police have stoked up the atmosphere before Sunday’s Clash between Tottenham and West Ham. They’ve warned both sets of fans that to sing songs that include the Y word is risking arrest. They declined to comment on speculation about where they will detain 36,000 fans celebrating if Jermain Defoe scores, and West Ham  have angrily denied they will use the game to unveil a new third kit featuring a black shirt and sponsorship by the Daily Mail…..

 “This One’s Called ‘Streets Of London'”

 John McCririck has expressed his delight at the tribunal into his sacking by Channel Four finally starting. Unfortunately he has said he is betting his house on a successful outcome. Given his history as a failed bookmaker and warned off gambler I imagine The Booby is preparing for life in a bedsit in Homerton as we speak….

 Jumpin’ Jack’s Ash

 Jack Wilshere has attempted to head off the furore over being photographed smoking by Tweeting a picture of Zinedine Zidane relaxing with a gasper. It’s a fair comparison really. I mean, look at what they’ve both achieved for a start. ZZ has won the World Cup, the Champions League, and world player of the year and Wilshere has won a fight outside a club with the help of five of his mates.

 Deadly In The Box

 Manchester United are set to loan out young star Wilfred Zaha. The winger, signed recently from Crystal Palace, is said to be devastated. Apparently he was certain he would be able to score again if he stayed……

Next time: several apologies no doubt, plus some pillock will have wound me up. You know the drill…..