#27 Sorry Dave, Still With The Numbers….

by forzabahab

Something Something French Letters?
Another day, another politician caught with his hand in the nookie jar. This time the man in question is Francois Hollande, President of France. The funny thing about this is how the press have reacted on either side of the channel. Over there, there are restrictions on what is deemed a private affair. Generally infidelity isn’t really bothered with; they’re more concerned with things that materially affect a person’s ability to do the job, such as corruption, incompetence, or criminal activity. Over here our media doesn’t care as long as it sells papers. Closer magazine have stepped away from the conventions surrounding this and printed allegations about M. Hollande and an actress, against the backdrop of his partner being admitted to hospital for various stress related ailments.
My question is, exactly why does the British media give a monkey’s about this? Since when has who is President of France and how they behave made a blind bit of difference to our lives? Have I missed a meeting? When that midget was with the supermodel a while back did it make you more or less confident about the economy? Course it didn’t; it’s bollocks, but yesterday Twitter was awash with UK hacks whining about the lines of questioning Hollande was getting in his press conference, the first since the allegations surfaced last week.
He was asked by the first questioner whether Valerie Trierweiler was still first lady, but refused to answer questions over the report, saying “private matters should be dealt with privately”. He said he would clarify whether she was still first lady before a trip to the US on February 11th. He said he would not be drawn on the reports of the affairs with actress Julie Gayet “out of respect for those involved”. Ms Trierweiler has been in hospital since Friday. Asked about the state of his partner’s health, Mr Hollande said she was resting and that he had no further comment to make on the subject.
Now the French media (there were over six hundred of them at this prearranged event, ostensibly designed to cover economic issues) accepted this, and frankly I think it is to their credit that they do. This is mainly because I don’t give a tuppenny fuck who he’s shagging, because it doesn’t matter.
“The French press are weeds” trilled one idiot over here, expecting him to break down and confess all. This isn’t some Muppet from the Sun, but an apparently respected columnist with a major broadsheet paper, an opinion former reduced to some curtain twitching sad case more at home in a Roy Clarke sitcom than a high profile news room.
When are we going to grow out of this shit? Hollande has never stood on a moral ticket; he’s never told anyone how to live their lives or advocated family values. His approval ratings have gone UP since this story broke too. There’s no hypocrisy here, unlike John Major when he was simultaneously telling the country to get back to basics while hanging out the back of Edwina Currie. And even if there was, IT IS IN FRANCE; WE CAN’T INFLUENCE IT AND THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT WE THINK.
I say let the geezer get on with it. He seems to have more than enough on his plate running the country and keeping his missus sweet without worrying about being papped by some arse from a British tabloid.
And of course it shows you exactly what our papers could be like. No tittle tattle, just a robust critique of a man doing a serious job that matters to a whole nation.
Now, if we could only just stop buying them….

So, No Bonus Then?

January. A new year. A time when workers everywhere go through their performance with their bosses, and set goals for the year to come. If ever people are down on their employers it’s now; when else can you feel mismanaged and underappreciated?
So spare a thought today for Steven Finn as he jets back from Australia to work on technical aspects of his bowling action. Ashley Giles, the England one day coach, is quoted as saying that Fin is ‘unpickable’ at the moment. It seems his speed, accuracy, and rhythm are alarmingly far away from where they need to be.
You have to wonder how it has come to this, given that a few months ago he got on the plane in London as part of the big tall massive bowling attack that was going to scare the Bejesus out of the Australians. This was a great plan until it emerged that a) Boyd Hilton was shit, b) Chris Tremlett was down on pace and penetration and frankly would have struggled to intimidate a retired librarian, and c) Finn had been bowling appallingly for months, had lost form and confidence, and frankly should never have been on the plane.
As a result he became the only man in the seventeen strong test tour party not to play in a single match, inadvertently becoming the world’s tallest ever drinks waiter.
Imagine how he feels about his bosses now. He has the stigma of a 5-0 ashes defeat on his record and he never played, and has been publically told that he’s shit and needs to learn his job from scratch all over again. Middlesex will no doubt be fuming at having to pick him up psychologically, only to risk handing him back to a group of coaches and management who clearly have no earthly idea of how to get the best out of him.
The only saving grace is that he is only twenty four and so has time on his side. At his best he’s a 90mph bowler, bouncy, intimidating and with the knack of taking important wickets. I hope to God this hasn’t ruined him; the Ashes returns in 2015 and we will need all our good players back firing if we’re to wrestle the urn back.

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